funny-times-april-2009Since that one guy stopped being US president – what was his name? You remember him, he had a Texas accent and a constant cocaine sniffle. Anyway, since he went away the Funny Times seems to have been devoting more space to old and possibly corny jokes.

These examples come from Planet Proctor. Here’s a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt:

I had a rose named after me and was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

This was presented as a true story:

A teacher designed a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of Lifesavers to identify flavors by color: red for cherry, yellow for lemon, green for lime, and orange for- orange. Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY Lifesavers, but after popping them into their eager little mouths, none of the children could identify the taste; so she said, “I’ll give you all a clue. This is what your mother may sometimes call your father.” One little girl looked up in horror, spit out her Lifesaver, and yelled “Oh my God! They’re assholes!”

Oh yes, now I remember his name, George W. Bush. Proctor also has a few of the suggestions Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream supposedly got for a flavor to commemorate him, matching President Obama’s “Yes, Pecan.” Proctor includes my favorite, “George Bush Doesn’t Care About Dark Chocolate,” but leaves out my second favorite, “‘You’re Shitting in My Mouth and Calling it a’ Sundae.” That one really captures the essence of the Bush/Cheney administration, I think.

There are some shots at Mr O, though not as many as his unlamented predecessor usually attracted. Here’s a cartoon warning that his policies in Afghanistan may not turn out as well as he hopes, and a column that includes a sarcastic reference to “Saint Barack” as one of the authors of the Wall Street bailout.

Jen Sorensen points out a political phenomenon that has often baffled me. She doesn’t name any names, but I think “Saint Barack” might be one of her targets:

bipartisan